Sunday, December 27, 2009


okay im spill what has been happening.

i have been a bad ana. I sure you all have tried going to "normal eating". thats where i have been at. after a day of feeling terrible i decided that the only way to feel like a "normal" person was to eat the fucking three meals a day. I also decided that weighing myself daily would make me go back to ana. so i did so for at least now a week.
the first day was a wreck. i felt heavy ugly and discusted with myelf.
the next couple of days went something like that too. I couldn't sleep well and ended up with
like full blown out anger issues. I felt uncomfortable which made me have bitter feelings towards everything.
i think its enough to say i was a mess.
well today i woke up and realized i had to live MY life to my expectations. that not everyone wanst and needs the same things in life. so what if my ideas involve being really skinny and beautiful. how i achieve that expectation relies on me.
so as of a couple of hours ago, i have taken up ana, full time.
this week was the proof i needed to resolve some issues i had in my head.
i need ana, and she is willing to take me in. thats everything i need to know.

so new years resolution: be a better friend to ana and stop shoving her in the corner.

No comments:

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5

my measurements(may24):

red=met goal