Monday, December 7, 2009

two ana heads are better than one.

new diets give me a kick start with determination.
but my diet is actually exciting for another reason, i have a diet buddy! it is actually my texting ana buddy.
i will lose sixteen pounds by Christmas time! it is so exciting when you set goals for yourself, i have decided that i will lose in intervals 7, 5, 4. at this weight i will feel comfortable but not fully content. but i will reach my ultimate goal of 104 by my birthday (march 22) to start my new year off right.
technically i consider my new year my birthday because think about it, you were born that day and your complete year ends that day. i do not blow it up with whistles and a ball dropping but i do celebrate in a very similar way, alochol. this cheat day is allowed and in fact a must. (especially when your around my family.)

i always get a reference from people that im small or a 100 pounds, because i have a small frame but if they actually knew that the scale is 120 i think i would ashamed. in a way it makes me discusted with myself that i weigh so much and people lie to me about my apperance. i know what i look like i spent the most time analysising myself in the mirror at flaws that stand out so much.
the people who want to be nice and lie to me get me more discusted and i hate them for their betrayal. i want the truth, i know i have been gaining weight, dont tell me im fine so i continue my excessive eating so i become a fat cow, so then you can assure yourself you look better than me.

when did the people you love turn into such liars?


intake:
water
tea
coffee with soy milk

outtake:
(45min) cycling
(45min) running

1 comment:

Little Dandelion Girl said...

Blimey girl, you are really going for it! That makes me way more enthusiastic to get back on track. I like the way you think of new year as your birthday - it does make sense.

Hope today is good and that you make it through in one piece xxx

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5
forearm-8
wrist-5.5
bust-30
waist-25
ribcage-27
hips-33
thigh-16.5
calf-13

my measurements(may24):
upperarm-11
forearm-9
wrist-5.8
bust-32.5
ribcage-28.5
waist-26.5
hips-38.5
thigh-22
calf-14

red=met goal