Friday, December 4, 2009

so today was like a never ending rush to the bathroom!
i know, too much information but its like with all the water i have been drinking and the lax i have in my system from the past two days its bound to get to me.
i just got a new texting ana, which i 100% recomend. its like having ana herself at your finger tips with advice and a shoulder to cry on about your sucesses and losses.

today at work i think it was a failure, i have been trying to eat nothing like zero calories except for my morning coffee, but when it was time to work i had to cook at the store and it got to me alittle. so many smells and me not eating since two days before. i was bound to crack under the pressure, [i reason i failed the road test the first time :)] but i had a bowl of carrot ginger soup and a grapefruit.
i have been saving money for all the christmas persents i have to buy, 500 dollars worth of fucking presents! so instead of putting it to food i have decided it will go to old st. nick.
which benefits me to!, no food to put my grubby hands on! of course i will still buy my diet food, but at least i wont have any extra money laying around.

did i mention that i believe my motehr has an ED too. ever since i was little she hasn't eaten more than a bowl of lettuce and a cup of oatmeal in front of me. she is practicely 105 pounds (my goal) and i feel like she taunts it in front of me. maybe im being paranoid, i just dont like the idea that my mom can be my ideal goal and i still a blimp!

my on going bantering has to stop, i didn't make this blog so i can whine, i just wanted a safe place that could be like a journal in some sense. i have to be positive and keep strong.

to all you anas,
starve on!

No comments:

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5

my measurements(may24):

red=met goal