Wednesday, December 2, 2009

i feel like a a piece of garbage. so this fast thing, frist day a big beautiful sucess!
second day i want throw myself in a washing machine. so about the dramatic effect.

i was doing the basic run in the morning have my water with lemon and go to school thing then all of
a sudden my sister calls with news of my uncle in the hospital, then my grandmother
is following me around the house asking me a thousand questions about when im going
eat something and then i have to pick up my sister from school plus the dog from the groomers
then school for five hours.
everything all happened at once and it got the best of me and my empty stomach.
i was thinking the whole time, just go lay down or have some apple cider vinegar to
stop your hunger, drink some water.
THEN: out of no where the stupidest thought
occured. Coraline, dont you want to be normal? have a normal meal? eat like a normal
person? you wont be so stressed if you have something to eat.
okay something small i said, something small happened to be an apple, some caulitflower with hummes, chocolate milk, a raw revolution bar, soy milk, chewy bar with peanut butter, and to top it all off my head in the toliet bowl.

can someone please stop the maddness occuring in my head!
i know i didn't get it all out and i plan on going for a run after school and a self loathing in front of the mirror so i dont eat anything tonight.
i feel like a failure and i whimp that i can't take control of my emotions.
i should subscribe to an emotional eating website rather than a pro ana one. I dont deserve to call myself an ana.

okay enough, i have to pull myself together at least for the next few days, i was recomended a diet called "the scared heart" and im going to try it out. claims you can lose up to ten pounds in a week. ten pounds of my bad habit hopfully.

beginning to starve on-

No comments:

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5

my measurements(may24):

red=met goal