Wednesday, February 3, 2010

day three- (forget to publish)

its day four and i think since what has happened to me over the past four days im in awe that im still in one piece.
let me start off with i think I'm cheating myself with this "juice fast".
i tend to drink really low chocolate soy milk. i actually night binge on it.
this to me is just as bad because this cleansing experience is not what i make it out to be.

so what happened to me over the past few days was,
day two went fine but it was this day i discovered the unlimited flavors of the chocolate soy milk.
binged all night on that.
then on day three i had a melt down in the super market with my sister.
she was practically making a scene in the cereal lane of the market.
she was concerned because all she sees me do is "drink tea" (which has only been for the past two days)
and the cereal she picked out for me i put back because i said "i didn't like it anymore"
it felt as though everyone was staring at me.
i put the cereal in the cart and when we got home i emptied it out in the garbage.
i know i would have most defffinetly binged on the cereal in the next hour or so.
so today im trying to recop and stay strong. actually thinking about it my day didn't start so well either.
i had a protien shake before school, but I insist i will visit the gym before this day is over to rid myself of the calorie burden.

ideal body for me :
i want my thighs to be miles apart, never touching unless they were crossed.
my ass should be small and tight, being the template of prefect curves.
my upper arms should be all muscle, never wobbling with swift movements.
my stomach shouold be flat and even when i lean over i don't want it to hang over my jeans.
i want a very striking face with high cheek bones and very visible collar bones.
bodies are the projection of the soul.

i want mine to be delicate.

No comments:

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5

my measurements(may24):

red=met goal