Sunday, January 31, 2010

day 1- weighed down

so day one summed up in one word would have to be hungry.

for me, fasts have cycles. the first two days are the hardest.
i feel hungry and often distracted.
but after two the third is filled with energy.
its like your body is thanking you for giving it time to breath.

preoccupying my time is the only tricky part, today is my day off
from everything and i have been doing all the little things i have
put off forever.

like dusting and vacuuming. not to mention hemming jeans and ripped
sweater i keep in a pile. lets see...i also alphabetized my book collection and dvds.
I took my dog on a hour walk.
It seems as though I have too much time on my hands.
but my body have been relaying on only aloe vera juice and detox teas.

on my walk i did get to have a heartfelt talk with my brother.
we did a basic walk around memories growing up and remembering
the "good old times", when we didn't know what jackasses are parents were.
but one thing that he said made me feel much better
"what you see depends on what you're looking for"
i dont know how this relates to an ana blog, but to me it just
expresses the power of human nature and how we set a goal and
do anything in our power to achieve it.
so in other words, it might not sound so far fetch.

[another side note, its amazing how people mature right before your eyes]

i plan to spend the remainder of my day laying in bedand listening to sufjan stevens
and running to the bathroom at every chance.

bye bye anas

No comments:

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5

my measurements(may24):

red=met goal