Tuesday, February 9, 2010

thanks for the snow

thanks the gods, school is cancelled.
can you say "The Office" Marathon and pjs all day?
i haven't bummed around in a long time.
the snow is so peaceful.
i mean before the noisy snow blowers come on and nobody has walked on it.
when i was a kid my favorite thing to do in the snow was walk on it
trying not to make an impression on the snow.
keeping it as though i was never there.
that takes true lightness. something i wish i had to this day.
something i will achieve in the coming months.

im being a good ana girl lately. and fixing myself up.
took me awhile but i wrote out a exercise/food schedule for the next month.
its bases on a couple of magazine clippings.
mostly i based their snack as my meals.
hope it turns out good. need to shed this chubs.

i was actually thinking of a memory i had a couple of years ago.
my friend and me were out to lunch and i order a salad or something
like that and my friend order this Double bacon onion ring burger concoction
i told her that in my head i thought that just smelling like something like
that added fat onto your body, she told me that was an ana mentality.
it funny now because even back when i was thinking this way.
i didn't know there was anything wrong with that.
there isn't right, everyone is different.
i just happened to be very conscious about food.

I was reading a friendly blogger's page ( Anastasia Kirstyn) and decided out of shear boredom,
im going to play"What's in your bag?"!!
being that im a tom-boy at heart i don't carry much of a purse just a tan leather backpack
the boring stuff is mostly:
  • four textbooks.
  • two notebook with erratic notes all over the place.
  • a red binded day planner that holds my life. (appts/homework/schedules)
  • my ana journal (pictures/diary entries/quotes/all that good stuff)
  • a tin full of laxs and vitamins
  • pack of Newports and a green lighter. (green suppresses appetite)
  • green wallet (money,id, library card, school id, family pictures)
  • hemp lip blam
  • pens and colored pencils.
  • a cell phone, sometimes.
  • my wrist watch!!
  • reading glasses.
  • last but not least, a pair of gloves.

so exciting, im just happy im not going anywhere tomorrow.

hope you anas are as lucky as me, stay strong beautiful ladies.

No comments:

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5

my measurements(may24):

red=met goal