Saturday, May 1, 2010

heres to you!

perfect summer weather today
ate 900 calories and still feel like im harvesting a watermelon in my stomach.
i dont know what the hell im going to do in the summer
if i still look like this.
i dont know
i have been working out and eating under 1000 each day(exception of couple)
for about a month
and im not losing or gaining.
im still cubby and now where near what i should
maybe im not counting right
i feel gross
my legs touch as i walk
and that makes me want to throw up
maybe i should.
i don't know if this happens to all mias.
but when i get on a kick of throwing up a lot
i get little veins close to the corners of my eyes.
its because i put a lot of strain on my muscles and blood vessels
eh, its easy to cover up. :/

so, i think i have a new found crush.
but its different.
its actually a girl.
i don't know if this is just a bi-curious kind of thing
but to me, attraction is attraction.
whether that be to a boy of girl.
anyway, she is so beautiful
and she makes me laugh, and we mesh so well.
like puzzle pieces
but i wouldn't even know how to approach anyone i like.
plus i don't think she knows i like her, or girls for that matter.
I'm am a little confused about the matter.
and i don't see any reason why she would be attracted to me.
guess I'm just a downer.
maybe i have a new goal....
crushes always help inspire you to a better body.
gettin some green tea then write an essay. woho

heres to all the people who movitate us to better bodies!

No comments:

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5

my measurements(may24):

red=met goal