Sunday, May 23, 2010

you are what you eat

so where exactly have i been...?
good question, no answer.

i have loads of reading material now, thanks to follow my bloggers. it been a long week and i dropped about three pounds thanks to it. running here and there for the bridal queen. hey at least it keeps me behaved. je suis fatigue. so tired.
last night was the bachelorette party in the city, dinner and dancing. which means salad and booze. dessert was a treat though, tiramisu heaven on earth! coffee soaked cake with whipped cream and coco powder. oh my god. ate only half though. it was so delicious.
on the downside the party was a slap in the face of how great all the girls looked and how chubby i really am. and they eat like hardy portions.
can you answer me this, why is life so unfair?
i kill myself mentally & physically to fit into size zero, and they just roll with the ball.
side note: its like appauling to me, the girls who squeeze into these short dresses with cellulite, or big boobs pouring out into someones face.

its actually kind of comical how everyone in my family is so obilivous to my mia/ana. i could skip an entire weeks worth of food, spit/chew everything, or puke out brains and no one would even figure it out. the jugdes are still out whether this is a blessing or curse. i like how i have the option of what i do or do nto eat but i think its depressing to some extent, i mean who the hell gives a damn, apparently no one here.

im stomach hurts and my heads throbbing a bit, so fresh air will do my body good.
plus there are donuts, (even though im not a donut eater) on my counter and pizza in the fridge looking at me.
so i say lets go get distracted.

No comments:

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5

my measurements(may24):

red=met goal