Monday, March 22, 2010

happy brithday to me(march 22)

today is my birthday
my weight is 126
and its a fresh start.
i will reach 110 by June
thats 16 pounds
i think everyday i will post my thinspo of the day
it will keep my balanced.
i vow not to binge in this time.
it will be hard.
but i owe it to myself to finally acquire some
self- confidence and acceptance.

i cant say it enough
i want to be thin.
but its not something thats just handed to people
its a mountain that must be climbed.


its difficult to write from the heart here.
i mean with my network being from anas themselves
i feel like its becomes more of a battle than a support group.
i think about how to say things to reach my audience.
but most of the time i come out saying pitiful things.
but i am what i am
im not going to type to an audience anymore.
this is more of a journal, like i said from the beginning.
i write for me.

but if you do find yourself involved in my blog.
i will think of you as my little anas on my shoulders
helping me along in my quest.
thanks to you who comment and lead me towards my mountain.



as for my day so far, its been dreadful.
not just the weather. i allowed myself a bowl of cereal and 1/2 a protein shake.
thats about it for today, im hitting the gym in a couple of hours
my goals for this new year
burn 600 or more each day
be more friendly and open
in turn find a true friend
work hard in school
lose weight, (mostly the weight of your bad attitude)
dont lose yourself in the process.

one day at a time.


3 comments:

helesaurus said...

Happy birthday. :)) you have an awesome writing style in your journal. Good luck with your goals. You're going to be gorgeous. <3

distortedperception said...

Happy birthday! I support you and I know you can make it to 110 by June! Have a good day. It's all about you today:)

xoxo distortedperception.

anna.maria said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY **
:):)

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5
forearm-8
wrist-5.5
bust-30
waist-25
ribcage-27
hips-33
thigh-16.5
calf-13

my measurements(may24):
upperarm-11
forearm-9
wrist-5.8
bust-32.5
ribcage-28.5
waist-26.5
hips-38.5
thigh-22
calf-14

red=met goal