Thursday, March 11, 2010

clean stomach


on a fast.

its morning and my stomach is under control.
lets see how good i can be.
trying to get my mind off things.......
...............................................................

i just want that wow factor, which is becomes a borderline nervous faces.
i want to be gentle and delicate.
i want to feel on top of the world.
i want to be pushed over by a gust of wind.
i want to wear t-shirts as dresses
i want to fall in love
i want to get my shit together
i want to be happy
i want to feel complete
i want to have a true friend
i want to sleep without waking up to a nightmare
i want to sit in the front seat and have the passenger airbag light to be off.
i want to not make the floor creak when i walk
i want to not second guess fitting into an extra small
i want to wear my skinny jeans as baggy ones.
i want to stop feeling jealous
i want to hide under the covers and look like im not there.
i want to feel like im floating on water all day.
i want to never be able to give blood.
i want to drink water and feel refreshed
i want to forget my stomach wants
i want to lean over and have my backbone emerge
i want to be able to fit in a carry-on bag. (long story)
i want to never be hungry
i would love to be thin.




2 comments:

zettte said...

you will be thin. you'll get there, you're doing great. stay strong, lovely. you can do this.

xoxo
zette

Alice said...

I wish I had your stamina to fast.

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5
forearm-8
wrist-5.5
bust-30
waist-25
ribcage-27
hips-33
thigh-16.5
calf-13

my measurements(may24):
upperarm-11
forearm-9
wrist-5.8
bust-32.5
ribcage-28.5
waist-26.5
hips-38.5
thigh-22
calf-14

red=met goal