Wednesday, November 25, 2009

It's the Mind that Makes the Body

i am convinced that i have been asking for trouble since i accepted the invitation to cook dinner (except the bird, of course) for thanksgiving! i swear i am staring a binge in the face and i will end up with my head in a toilet tomorrow night!
i have been searching up a storm looking for anyway to deceive my mom i ate during dinner.

i think the worst part about visiting my mom is she literally weighs 90 pounds! its like seeing her is a realization of what i heifer i really am! and she never eats either, its like she is the ana i always want to be minus the crazy.
stress always leads my over the edge, being with my mom always leads to stress...future solution, don't see my mother? doesn't seem probable.

i have been on top of being a disgusting pig these past days i have also been starting this smoking train, but i will not get hooked and end up having winkles like my mother.

i was thinking about this earlier:
you start out ana having this incredible strong will against food and not eating, but every time you eat it becomes a battle with food, eventually you your will weakens like forces in combat. you must not lose the war but food just continues to over power all your moves and strategies of war. Losing a battle here and there is not always mean you lose in the overall war. My war is won when I'm 105 pounds and loving my body.
i can't let food win.

blueberry scone: 210
orange juice:120
soy milk-90
spoonful of peanut butter-90


not one of my best days, i am going to plan a fast after thanksgiving, when i get back to my normal routine. wish me luck for Thanksgiving and i hope the same for you!
who wants to look like a fat pilgrims anyway?... :)


1 comment:

KIKI BONES said...

Keep going girl! :)
Kiki xx

the feeling is mutual.

for your ears only

Prefection Found

-I want to be so thin, light, airy, that when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
-when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint
-I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
-And you're my obsession. I love you too the bones.
-I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds.
-I want to be as light as a feather and tumble
-Let your bones define the beauty of your body.
-Empty is pure. Starving is pure.
-I can get thinner. I can cut it all off. I can wear low slung Levi's and crop tops and long straight dresses like willowy models, and I will grasp with the breathlessness of being airborne. I can fly and be free. I never realized how easy it was.
-Ana, my friend, my companion. -Starve my pain away. Make me beautiful. Make everything ok. Turn my problems into bones. Crush them up. Gather the remains. Blow away the dust.
-Anyone can have "inner beauty" but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
-Thin has a taste all its own.
-Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
-Don't suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Enjoy every minute of it!
-People will remember you as Beautiful
-You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight dragging you down.
-You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
-Only thin people are graceful.
-You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
-It's not like beauty will make you especially interesting, but it will help people to get interested in your soul. -Within me lies a treasure hunt. When I lose I win.
-Lose everything and what is real will still remain.
-One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
-I've freed myself from this compulsion of eating. When I wake, I am empty, light-headed. I love to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling as a feather.
-We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need. -Junk food is cheap but thin is priceless.
-Blessed are the starving, for they shall teach us not to want.
-Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find peace tonight.

que evil music

goal measurements:
upper arm-8.5

my measurements(may24):

red=met goal