a first look

well im fasting tomorrow morning.
right on track
but i did slip up and have black coffee and smoked.
opps.

i took a good hard look at myself today,
and do you know what i saw?
nobody, a complete stranger
this time last year my legs stood miles apart
my cheek bones stood out,
i weighed 110 pounds

and i felt strong. real strong.
i feel like i dont even know this weakling in front of me.
who have i become?
its not just the weight though, its all around.
i feel like im slipping away.
towards the deep end.

i have to figure this shit out.
i have to pull myself forward and stop looking back.
it just makes me sick thinking of all my mistakes and missed oppurtunites.
all that time wasted on sulking and feeling bad,
thats thing didn't quite turn out how i wanted them too.

what a cry baby, if you ask me
im strong, i will be strong.
if not for me but for the people i love
because without self control
i would be six feet under by now...

great news. god loves skinny woman!

oh little side note.
tonight i was at the gym 45 mins into my 60 minute workout when the announcement comes on "we have to shut down the power, in about 5-10 minutes, im sorry for the incoveinence"
i was so bumed out, that i worked my ass off the next seven minutes when all the lights go out.
im waiting for my machine to shut off and then to my suprise its still going! me and the girl next to me were the only girls going at it in the dark!

ana would have been so proud, heck i was so happy that i got to my intended calories burned.
just to show you that someone up there is completely on our side!!

im still on track too, lost a pound today. woo hoo.

two ana heads are better than one.

new diets give me a kick start with determination.
but my diet is actually exciting for another reason, i have a diet buddy! it is actually my texting ana buddy.
i will lose sixteen pounds by Christmas time! it is so exciting when you set goals for yourself, i have decided that i will lose in intervals 7, 5, 4. at this weight i will feel comfortable but not fully content. but i will reach my ultimate goal of 104 by my birthday (march 22) to start my new year off right.
technically i consider my new year my birthday because think about it, you were born that day and your complete year ends that day. i do not blow it up with whistles and a ball dropping but i do celebrate in a very similar way, alochol. this cheat day is allowed and in fact a must. (especially when your around my family.)

i always get a reference from people that im small or a 100 pounds, because i have a small frame but if they actually knew that the scale is 120 i think i would ashamed. in a way it makes me discusted with myself that i weigh so much and people lie to me about my apperance. i know what i look like i spent the most time analysising myself in the mirror at flaws that stand out so much.
the people who want to be nice and lie to me get me more discusted and i hate them for their betrayal. i want the truth, i know i have been gaining weight, dont tell me im fine so i continue my excessive eating so i become a fat cow, so then you can assure yourself you look better than me.

when did the people you love turn into such liars?


intake:
water
tea
coffee with soy milk

outtake:
(45min) cycling
(45min) running

how about a little thinspiration!!

hopefully these girls can get your day going in the right direction!