day three- (forget to publish)

its day four and i think since what has happened to me over the past four days im in awe that im still in one piece.

let me start off with i think I'm cheating myself with this "juice fast".

i tend to drink really low chocolate soy milk. i actually night binge on it.

this to me is just as bad because this cleansing experience is not what i make it out to be.

so what happened to me over the past few days was,

day two went fine but it was this day i discovered the unlimited flavors of the chocolate soy milk.

binged all night on that.

then on day three i had a melt down in the super market with my sister.

she was practically making a scene in the cereal lane of the market.

she was concerned because all she sees me do is "drink tea" (which has only been for the past two days)

and the cereal she picked out for me i put back because i said "i didn't like it anymore"

it felt as though everyone was staring at me.

i put the cereal in the cart and when we got home i emptied it out in the garbage.

( I HATE WASTING FOOD, BUT THIS WAS A LIFE OR DEATH SCENARIO)

i know i would have most defffinetly binged on the cereal in the next hour or so.

so today im trying to recop and stay strong. actually thinking about it my day didn't start so well either.

i had a protien shake before school, but I insist i will visit the gym before this day is over to rid myself of the calorie burden.

ideal body for me :

i want my thighs to be miles apart, never touching unless they were crossed.

my ass should be small and tight, being the template of prefect curves.

my upper arms should be all muscle, never wobbling with swift movements.

my stomach shouold be flat and even when i lean over i don't want it to hang over my jeans.

i want a very striking face with high cheek bones and very visible collar bones.

bodies are the projection of the soul.

i want mine to be delicate.