to get to the worst of it,
i had a fight with bridezilla
ended up on a diet soda, chocolate chip cookies, and popcorn binge.
and this is me, getting back from the good old toilet.
now my head feels like its not attached.
i hate my (self medicated) emotional eating
one stray from a normal day or breakdown leads to a whirlpool of food flowing down my throat and into my stomach. its like a flushing of emotion. isn't this how obese people act?
oh lucky day
afterward i feel sore. the woes of of mia finally just hit me.
i cant quite figure out what is worst, going on the binge or throwing it all up.
i was doing so fucking good, up to this point. even though throwing up "fixed" my bad but its the idea of venturing away from mia and into ana's arms, that is eating me up.
will i ever just be normal, and talk things out.
no way, of course i have to torture my body.
well it serves it right, looking like this...
why do i have to hate myself, please let me know now if this is an adolescent thing.
i really like to have some positive look in the future.
tell me! tell me!
i was watching episodes of supersize vs. superskinny.
these are the kinds of shows they need to have in the US.
reality shows about jersey shore are not cutting it for me.
i like to see what the skinny girls eat.
i know recently i have been preaching about trying to be ana.
but i wouldn't want anyone to have the wrong idea
it isn't ideal to be anorexic, but you become labelled in this world.
its like someone has a label maker just going down the list
putting us into categories, tagging our foreheads
this sounds bad.
im not a stereotype of nothing, but think about it.
from the moment we are born we are labelled and sorted into a category.
RACE, GENDER, CLASS, ETC.
i think if our world wasn't able to sort people,
what the hell would they do with all that free time?
anyway my point is, im not this or that
all anybody really wants is success.
success is measured by the beholder
my success is happiness, above all is to be content in my own skin.
I'm not exactly anorexic and im not exactly bulimic
i am very particular about food, try to eat healthy, most of the time it works out.
i binge on occasion and throw up.
do what you want with me.
but i will do as i may, and keep walking